Today I decided to go back so that I can go ahead.
Today is the day I decided I stop saying "I wish that..". And that I start saying again "I want to...".
Today is the day I decided to take some of my old forgotten habits and make them work for me.
Because I used to have many good habits that my mind found great pleasure in. And my body, too (therefore, my mind because of all that Mens sana in corpore sano stuff). I want to take the metro and have long walking rides like I want to make decisions based on a simple question: If I don't do it, will I regret it or not? If the answer is the tiniest Yes ever, I will go for it. If the answer is the most certain No, I won't give it a second look.
Anyway, today I decided I want again. My mom has this really annoying gift to remind me of how I used to be such an ambitious little and big girl (or how she wanted me to be that) vs how I currently am. I get really angry and sad and pissed off and teary every time she gets honest like this. She knows when she went too far. She pulls back, but she knows she has done her part.
After an angry cob episode like this, I get to wanting. And working. Not always, though. Sometimes I just get angry. But in days like these, when all planets are aligned in the straightest most sinuous line you'll ever see and when the God (I would've said Gods, but my grandma would be terribly upset with me and I have to admit that I too believe in only one, no matter his name) has arrowed me with many smallish signs, so that I won't get really hurt...in days like these I get to wanting again.
They say evolution means ahead. That is why I put my wanting in the service of the ahead. Want to make it a great one though, since I've already entered this evolution business.